You’re not funny.

Just… Dealin with this penis…

plaidsandwich:

Aw you’re cubing grilled chicken for a salad and calling yourself a chef, bless your heart.

Tinder moments - so you can be a fucking creep before we even exchange numbers.

If you swipe right, the screen immediately just fills with badass flames and sammy hagar screaming. See also: fill up on donkey sauce; swipe right to be taken to Flavortown.

Just what every woman dreams of! A gun being pointed at their virtual face. Is this guy for real?

"Look! These cups are tits!" Better or worse than the object-as-dick? You be the judge.

The old casual bicep flex thinly veiled as an arm cross.

If you’re going to have group photos please take a page from Michael, who knows how it’s done. Take a bow Michael.

If you’re going to have group photos please take a page from Michael, who knows how it’s done. Take a bow Michael.